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Opinion: LOOK AT THAT LOSER WEARING EARPLUGS. I GO TO WAY MORE SHOWS AND MY HEARING IS FINE! …WHAT!?

OH MAN, LOOK AT THAT FUCKING GUY. HOW CAN YOU HEAR ANYTHING WITH THOSE THINGS IN? PEOPLE LIKE HIM ARE EXACTLY WHAT’S WRONG WITH PUNK TODAY. I BET HE’S NEVER GOTTEN A TATTOO IN A KITCHEN. OR HEP C. HE PROBABLY WOULDN’T EVEN THROW DOWN WITH SOMEONE WHO MOSHED NEAR HIS GIRLFRIEND, THAT POSER.

DOES HE NOT REALIZE HOW STUPID HE LOOKS? WHATEVER HAPPENED TO JUST PUTTING ON A DENIM VEST AND SPENDING TWO AND A HALF HOURS PERFECTING YOUR MOHAWK? THEY COME IN A LITTLE CASE AND HE EVEN HAS THEM ON A FUCKING STRING AROUND HIS NECK. WHAT’S HE GOING TO DO, NOD HIS HEAD TOO HARD? I MEAN WHAT’S HE AFRAID OF, HEARING THE MUSIC? HIS OWN FEELINGS? I HAVEN’T HEARD MY INNER MONOLOGUE SINCE THE MISFITS REUNITED AT RIOT FEST.

I WISH WE COULD GO BACK TO WHEN PEOPLE WEREN’T SO HUNG UP ON POLITICS AND ONLY CARED ABOUT THE IMPORTANT SHIT LIKE HOW MANY SCENE POINTS DOES EVERYONE HAVE OR ENGINEERING A TRIHAWK TO FIT IN THREE ADDITIONAL MOHAWKS. I JUST WORRY IF WE FORGET OUR ROOTS, WE’LL NEVER DEVELOP THE HEXA-HAWK.

THE SCENE HAS GONE TO SHIT! EVERYONE JUST WANTS THEIR SAFE SPACES, THEIR GENDER NEUTRAL BATHROOMS, AND HOW COME EVERY BAND HAS FEEDBACK NOW? LIKE, LITERALLY EVERY BAND. I CAN’T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I DIDN’T HEAR A HIGH PITCHED WHINE AT A SHOW, OR ON THE RADIO, OR AT MY STUPID NEPHEW’S PIANO RECITAL.

KIDS THESE DAYS WITH THEIR “EARPLUGS” AND “CONDOMS.” BACK IN MY DAY WE DIDN’T… WHAT? TINNITUS? YEAH, I SAW THEM AT A HOUSE SHOW WITH LIKE SIX PEOPLE. HEY, CAN I BUM A SMOKE?

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