BOSTON – Self-described “hardcore kid” Jared Mahoney came to the realization that he is ready to enter the “liking hockey” phase of his life while watching…
SAN FRANCISCO – One of America’s longest lasting wars has finally come to an end as punks and jocks finally settled their differences, united by their…
LONG BEACH, Calif. – Despite objections from friends, family, and doctors, local mom-to-be Melissa Watts cannot contain her excitement about dying her unborn baby’s hair. Watts,…
AUSTIN, Texas – A Southside man has loudly declared his intentions to not have any fun at tonight’s Krum Bums show. Derek Miller, 47, has successfully…
Washington, D.C. – Despite serious flaws that would be crippling to a man in most modern social circles, local punk Matt Heller is reportedly “backed…
SALT LAKE CITY – Following a long night of pile-ups and sing-alongs, local hardcore fan Adam Brooke heavily regrets not stretching before the show. Speaking from…
CHICAGO – An eyewitness claims to have seen So-Cal Skate Punk Legends My Society attempting, and failing, to ollie in the parking lot behind the…
CANOGA PARK, Calif. – Recently-retired member of the punk community David Gorman insists the local scene died at the exact same time he stopped going to…
VANCOUVER, Canada – Emergency responders worked through the night after a stage collapse at a hardcore show left 175 photographers injured. During the headlining set…
LITTLE ROCK, Ark. –Glenn White, accused racist, adamantly defended himself on a heated Facebook thread yesterday, claiming he has “plenty of gay friends.” “Look, my best…
LONG ISLAND, N.Y. – Despite protests from friends and family, pizza-faced straight edge teen Mike Mitrione continues to refuse acne treatment, claiming he “doesn’t need…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. – Local vegan Sean Paige has come under a lot of scrutiny by the vegan community after savagely and maliciously stomping a bug…
ATHENS, Ga. – Patrons of the Georgia Square Mall watched in horror as local punk Bobby Lamb was nearly pulled into a moving escalator when…
PEORIA, Ill. – Music fan Chase Fuller, 17, revealed to The Hard Times that he trims his pubes before every show “just in case some…
YUMA, Ariz. – Derek Dunkerly, 22, is an up-and-coming drug addict who hopes to one day achieve his dreams of becoming a full-fledged junkie. Unlike most drug users who…