WASHINGTON — Presidents Donald Trump and Bill Clinton both denied reports today claiming they were backstage at Warped Tour ’97 partying and “checking out the…
OMAHA, Neb. — College student and “good guy” with a gun James Watson was furious today after the latest in his series of romantic rejections,…
Some people are able to drink in moderation. I’ve been told, on many occasions, that I am certainly not one of those people. So much…
BECKETT RIDGE, Ohio — Suburban punk Adam Kincaid spotted yesterday an unopened, full price and unexpired package of Sargento string cheese at his friend’s house,…
EVANSTON, Ill. — A group of friends who have been “practically inseparable” since their freshman year of high school are looking forward to hanging out…
We’ve all been there before- you’re checking out the trendy new bar in town and you really hit it off with the hot bartender. Signals…
DETROIT — A group of squatting punks became unwitting participants in the eternal struggle of man-versus-nature last week, as each side fought to reclaim an…
Dear Scabby: What’s the best way to DIY myself a stick n poke tattoo on my face? Always wanted one, and i might as well…
GREENSBURG, Pa. — 93-year-old grandfather and pretentious grouch Stan Kiska yet again defended his stance today that Joe Besser was the funniest and most talented…
SAN ANTONIO — A friend informed you today during a visit to your hometown that she finally listened to Breaking Benjamin, a band you suggested…
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — Local cop and amateur wrestler Casper “Cooter” Jones, who has struggled with a violent past, present and likely future, arrived at the…
Thanks for coming into my office today. Investing your time, energy, and emotions into a potential relationship partner is quite an undertaking. Effectively and efficiently…
NEW YORK — An alarming new study conducted by a research panel of angry baby boomers found that 82% of millennials can not locate Paradise…
PEARL CITY, Hawaii — 15-year-old hipster Delia Park has fully transformed from an early fan to a harsh critic of her recently-divorced parents, having listened…
Congratulations! According to a recent Instagram update, Jamie and Kat are celebrating three blissful years together despite “going through so much” in that short time.…