WARRENVILLE, Ill. — Local sixth grader Billy Luetzen suffered a crushing embarrassment yesterday after writing “Megadeath” instead of “Megadeth” on his math notebook, sources close…
OSPREY, Fla. — The Sarasota Friends School was pleased to announce this week that in addition to maintaining its status as one of the county’s…
SEATTLE — Amy’s Regret, the last known grunge band on the planet, were successfully captured in the wild last week and will be rehabilitated and…
NEW YORK — Huge, anthropomorphic canary and “Sesame Street” cast member Big Bird was arrested late last night for loitering outside of the Love Puppet,…
PEMBROKE, Mass. — Local Dad and Lowe’s sales associate Brian Weckbacher was “giddy as a schoolboy” yesterday after conversing with police officer Ben Henry inside…
WASHINGTON — President Trump’s approval rating has failed to crack the 40% mark among the last remaining American who managed to survive the pandemic and…
MILWAUKEE — Activist metalhead Ricky Miranda vowed today to fight tirelessly for racial justice, as well as the right to carry gigantic broadswords onto commercial…
LOS ANGELES — Local tattoo artist “Big” Frank Kowlaski admitted today that he was profoundly impacted by a tattoo he inked last week of a…
RACINE, Wis. — Goth enthusiast and mother of four Obsidia Darque Jackson added a charming new “Die, Cry, Hate” sign to her family’s rumpus room…
CHICAGO — Local ex-boyfriend Dan Bakersfield hit up his ex-girlfriend last night to yell at her “like the good old days” after reaching the end…
LOS ANGELES — Unpopular streaming platform Quibi was visited yesterday by the ghost of NBC’s now-defunct streaming platform SeeSo, warning the young app of it’s…
AMHERST, Mass. — Smorth College announced today that instead of face-to-face instruction, it will release its fall semester classes on vinyl, citing pandemic concerns. “This…
NEW YORK – Legendary Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards took popular interview show “Hot Ones” to a new level yesterday by snorting all 10 sauces…
Homosexuality is a sin, plain and simple. Anyone trying to tell you these people are just like you and me are lying. They are abominations…
MUNCIE, Ind. — Local grandmother Ida Connolly increased the volume of her racist tirades yet again today since learning that her family enacted a “just…