WASHINGTON — Representatives for the popular NFL team based in Washington, D.C. claimed today that they only used their long-standing team nickname as a strategy…
ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention urged Americans today to “Shut the fuck up for one goddamn second while we’re trying to…
VAN NUYS, Calif. — Celebrated actress and seemingly constant indie cinema presence Chloe Sevigny was seen yesterday hanging around the set of upcoming film “The…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local ex-boyfriend Sergio Matthews offered a convincing argument as to why he doesn’t need therapy by pacing around his girlfriend Mallory Speers’…
LOS ANGELES — Three members of local punk quartet The Herniated Dicks defied Los Angeles’ stringent coronavirus quarantine guidelines to meet up and rag on…
BOISE, Idaho — Local bored woman Mona Trevino has quietly re-followed all of the messy, oversharing friends on Facebook she previously unfollowed after exhausting every…
Welcome to the liberal USA, where good honest folks are bullied into believing the democrat agenda. All because we don’t hold the same views about…
SACRAMENTO — Local band Meerkat Infanticide has asked Die Society, the headliners of today’s PUNKDEMIK streamed benefit show, to allow them to use their Zoom…
SEATTLE — A visibly nervous group of Democratic leaders held a closed door meeting today to discuss possible ways to ask mega-corporation Amazon to chip…
A couple of weeks back our office was shaken when a strange mass of blue energy suddenly appeared and exploded next to our most recently…
HEAVEN — God, the almighty creator of Heaven and Earth, can not find a single reason to refuse recently-deceased straight edge kid Randy Larrett’s entry…
I was once like you, barely able to pay for essentials like Tinder Plus while still having enough money leftover for avocados and bubble tea.…
WICHITA, Kan. — Parents Tina and Dale Jeffries breathed a huge sigh of relief this week as their 16-year-old son Kyson’s militant fascism is finally…
NEW YORK — NYPD officer Martin Stuart heroically paused earlier today to reflect that chokeholds are now an illegal use of force in New York…
POLYNESIAN ISLAND — Self-proclaimed villain Bixby “Moggie Man” Middlegrift took extra pains to ensure his new lair would be built with “extra wide” air vents,…