AUSTIN, Texas — An algorithm designed to protect public school children from inappropriate content has suspended the Zoom account of Hillsummit Elementary School’s health teacher,…
LODI, N.J. — Angsty third grader Billy Monroe reportedly caused a stir among Halloween revelers when he questioned the identity of a local mall Danzig…
BALTIMORE — Latest reports from staff and showgoers at historic venue The Crab Trap confirmed that the strange puddle of unknown origin is still present…
NEW YORK — An animatronic werewolf located in Leona’s Halloween Store known as Harold is reportedly tired of playing things safe and has recently become…
SPOKANE, Wash. — An adorable bandana-clad dog seen frequenting the town skate park is rumored to be a human under a powerful curse from a…
CHICAGO — Touring steampunk band The Death Gaskets’s frustrated venue staff when their tour rider was revealed to be nothing more than an extensive list…
LIMA, Ohio — A large, unattended assortment of pumpkins located in front of Lima Bethelem Church are apparently free for the taking based on how…
Almost every Millennial was forced to read Lois Lowry’s “The Giver” at some point during middle school. We were quizzed on its dystopian themes, prodded…
HOPKINGTON, Mass. — Local creep Brad Hinton announced his plans to run a full marathon, moments after seeing a woman with visible tattoos 26.2 miles…
SEATTLE — A local property management company announced they will begin offering fully furnished punk houses which will include a guy who eats all the…
BALTIMORE — Friends of local mom-to-be Vivian Wilburg have been taking advantage of her mandatory sobriety and using her as a designated driver since her…
HENDERSON, Nev. — Local goth Amarantha Obsidian blew her entire October grocery budget on novelty Halloween socks from Spirit Halloween Store, shocked friends and family…
SEAGRAVES, Texas — Local machete-wielding family of murderous butchers, the Fletchers, are rallying against Hollywood’s constant belittling of their macabre lifestyle, terrified sources report. “Being…
PITTSBURGH — A local bouncer at the popular nightclub Shotbar manned his post last night with the adamant mindset to keep the COVID-19 Delta Variant…
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — A tiny, free public library at the foot of a residential driveway was forced to ban an extremely small man who was…