MORGANTOWN, W.V. — Self-proclaimed party animal Derek Plomchock astounded friends and roommates by somehow surpassing three sturdily locked doors and projectile vomiting into a laundry…
LOS ANGELES — Viewers of the popular Netflix show “Stranger Things” are reportedly complaining that the child stars are aging too fast, making them feel…
CINCINNATI — Local punk band Goattica has steadfastly resisted selling out over the years by never improving as musicians or developing any semblance of a…
TOLEDO, Ohio — Nieces and nephews of local fun uncle Dennis “The Dennster” Drindle were shocked recently to learn that Drindle regrets every last life…
PHILADELPHIA — Local party host Alex Rivers made an executive decision to order an additional pizza with a bunch of gross toppings as an option…
WINNIPEG, Manitoba — WheatGrain Books in downtown Winnipeg continues to worry small business owners in the area due to the fact it’s easily the biggest…
PHILADELPHIA — Local punk Marcus “Moose” Crawford took time to celebrate on LinkedIn his six-year anniversary at “Unemployed,” acquaintances within his network confirmed. “I’m not…
DURHAM, N.C. — Local police officer Chad Bixby vocally opposed the redistribution of police funds toward social services at a recent town hall meeting, according…
MINNEAPOLIS — Popular DIY venue The Dank Vault has reportedly been raided by local police after revelations that the small establishment was at the heart…
CHICAGO — Area hobbyist Keith James spent the majority of yesterday evening referring to his solo operation as a “Brewing Company,” moments after serving a…
OLIN, N.Y. — Local show promoter Ace Tucker dampened the mood of a recent show billed as “Brutal Basement Hardcore” when he kindly asked guests…
NACOGDOCHES, Texas — Local 34-year-old Mark Finn was unsuccessful in his attempts to woo a woman into meeting up no-strings for sexual intercourse by texting…
BAYONNE, N.J. — Residents of local punk house The Dry Socket made the cost-cutting decision to switch to Kirkland Signature for household whippets after reevaluating…
LAKEWOOD, Colo. — Local man Sean Richard is already showing signs of severe infection while getting a stick and poke tattoo from a close friend…
CHICAGO — Liz Remis, a medical transcriptionist and three-year Chicago resident, voiced her horror at the thought of living in the suburbs in spite of…