JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Probation officer Morris Berger is the closest thing struggling punk band Muskrat Funeral has to a tour manager, according to sources who…
WASHINGTON — Vice President Mike Pence announced plans today to protect American citizens from the coronavirus by sending all infected to a faith-based conversion therapy…
Get the hell out of my way! I just got here an hour late and I’m shitfaced but it’s my God-given right to be directly…
BOSTON — Extremely sweaty attendees at a Four Year Strong “Brain Pain” record release show report the band has been playing the same breakdown for…
Beck’s genre-defying “Odelay” is considered one of the best albums of the ‘90s, but how does it hold up over 20 years later? To answer…
WASHINGTON — XFL players from the Seattle Dragons and DC Defenders kneeling during the National Anthem at the league’s inaugural game were merely suffering from…
SAN DIEGO — Members of chillwave band Hookah Sesh are engaged in a heated internal struggle to establish the beta of the group, according to…
MILWAUKEE — Local punk Doug Reece is surprised and deeply troubled that he has lived long enough for his metabolism to decrease so significantly, according…
DOVER, N.H. — Your coworker, accounts manager Randy Ferguson, has no idea that he is your mortal enemy in a long-running feud that won’t end…
It’s every beer pong player’s worst nightmare. Worse than getting shut out. Worse than playing with Milwaukee’s Best. Even worse… than losing to a chick.…
DETROIT — Married couple Jason and Holly Erickson spent their fifth anniversary dinner on Saturday night savagely roasting an “atrocious” couple at a nearby table,…
KINGS PARK, N.Y. — Local punk Joe Ricchio finally bonded with his fanatical sports fan father last week, thanks to the multiple self-inflicted head injuries…
Our society is finally embracing equality. With more female politicians elected to office than ever before and more diverse representation in Hollywood, we’re trending in…
COSTA MESA, Calif. — Vans President Kevin Bailey verified at a press conference yesterday that the company’s sneakers are meticulously crafted to be absolutely devastated…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Local man Mike Jankowski waited until his haircut was safely completed Thursday evening before attempting to stop to his barber’s hateful political…