We Sat Down With a Survivor of the 1918 Flu and Accidentally Killed Him
Our deepest, most sincere apologies to the family and friends of 1918 flu survivor Mortimer Pyle. We recently sat down…
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Ted Pillow — Page 9
132 stories found
SNL Admits Allowing Coronavirus to Host Show in 2018 Was a Mistake
NEW YORK — Legendary television producer Lorne Michaels conceded last week that it was a mistake to have the highly…
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Conspiracy Theorist Uncovers Shocking Plot to Remove Him From Group Chat
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local conspiracy theorist Vinnie Logano discovered a secret plot yesterday to kick him out of the “BFF…
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Georgia Announces Plan to Close Hospitals, Re-Open Bars and Just Kind of See What Happens
ATLANTA — Georgia Governor Brian Kemp announced that the state will close hospitals, re-open bars, and “just let God do…
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Report: Children’s Puzzle Actually Pretty Challenging After 11th Beer
ALLENTOWN, Pa. — Quarantined father Chris Denny is struggling with his son’s 33-piece jigsaw puzzle after drinking almost an entire…
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Report: Only LSD Teen Will Be Doing This Weekend Is “Learning Some Discipline”
NORTHPORT, N.Y. — 17-year-old Alex Powell’s LSD stash was flushed down the toilet moments ago and will be replaced with…
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Record Label Takes 80% of Band’s Stimulus Check
SEATTLE — Punk band Knuckle Fist is being forced to give 80% of their economic stimulus check to their record…
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Opinion: Coronavirus Can’t Melt Steel Beams
Coronavirus can’t melt steel beams, sheeple! Have you got that through your thick skulls yet? It must be hard when…
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Basement Show Canceled Due to Mom Stocking up on Dry Goods
HUNTINGTON, N.Y. — A punk show scheduled to happen in local teen Mike Lennox’s basement was canceled yesterday afternoon after…
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Punk Venue’s Green Beer Not a St. Patrick’s Day Thing
PHILADELPHIA — St. Patrick’s Day revelers at Rocco’s Lounge realized moments ago that the green beer they’re drinking is not…
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