Ryan Danley, Author at HARDTIMES

June 20, 2021

PHOENIX — Local punk and licensed therapist Dr. Tim “Roach” Rochestky, LPCC, suggested that a patient kick his square fuckhead…

June 19, 2021

LOS ANGELES — Vocalist Trevor Handler of Reseda pop punk band Half-Hazzard insisted that his reluctance to help the band…

May 26, 2021

BIKINI BOTTOM― Longtime cashier Squidward Tentacles is the lead suspect in a mass shooting at the Krusty Krab which left…

April 30, 2021

BALTIMORE — Hardcore music aficionado Steve Settler and metalhead Jasyn Moore shared a tender moment when they simultaneously yelled “Go!”…

April 28, 2021

Look at Mr. WebMd, acts like such a smarty pants. But let’s get real: you're a one-trick pony. I am…

April 14, 2021

PRESCOTT, Ariz. — FBI Agent Dan Trolley defused a tense standoff with local police over the jurisdiction of a crime…

April 11, 2021

SEATTLE — New grocery store hire and hardcore punk Dan Lorenz has reluctantly chosen an alternative rock fan as his…

March 31, 2021

It's been a tough month. We found a mint first-press copy of Madonna’s "Like A Virgin" on eBay that we…

March 28, 2021

CHICAGO — Local data analyst Jeanie Alvarez joined his coworker for a ride in her car last week, leaving him…

March 26, 2021

LOS ANGELES — 40-year-old IT worker Shane Bryce realized yesterday that he can’t imagine a time in his life where…