Patrick Coyne, Author at HARDTIMES

February 21, 2020

FAIRHOPE, Ala. — Davey Armstrong, the only drummer of note in his small town, is doing a poor job of…

February 18, 2020

In the event that there are any marine biologists, firearm experts, or, I dunno, active coast guard members reading this,…

February 16, 2020

FOUNTAIN HILLS, Ariz. — Totally jacked local man Chris Wilkins reportedly spent years preparing his body for retribution on his…

February 13, 2020

BATON ROUGE, La. — Wedding guest Jennie Fultz committed a major fashion faux pas last weekend by wearing a black…

February 2, 2020

ANN ARBOR, Mich. — Perpetually pie-eyed local man Dominic “Mitch” Wozinski was invited last night by expectant parents Christine and…

February 1, 2020

There is no way to tell John Mellencamp’s story without telling my own. And if his story is really a…

January 31, 2020

CHICAGO — Polyamorous man John Castenda gallantly put both of his girlfriends on his shoulders at the Rainy Days Music…

January 25, 2020

COLUMBUS, Ohio — A fuzzy little punk roommate known only as “Banjo” twitched adorably in his sleep yesterday, presumably dreaming…

January 22, 2020

BETHESDA, Md. — Local woman Tabitha Wicksham is “not at all worried” about her husband sleeping with groupies during his…

January 18, 2020

STAFFORD, Texas — 59-year-old custom bathroom tile salesman John Canales was shocked to learn from his punk son yesterday that…