[Ed note: Leaving the Iggy Pop obit in the draft folder. Great idea to get this written up ahead of time. I mean, have you seen the guy lately? FYI, I left some timely details open so they can be filled in when he actually passes away. Don’t accidentally publish this early, haha]
LOS ANGELES — Incendiary musical artist, actor, and Godfather of punk rock Iggy Pop passed away due to [INSERT: COMPLICATIONS FROM PNEUMONIA DUE TO NOT WEARING A SHIRT, EVER/TREATING BODY LIKE A GARBAGE CAN FOR 50 YEARS/ACCIDENT STEMMING FROM TIGHT PANTS.] Pop was [AGE.]
Born James Newell Osterberg in Muskegon, Mich., Pop played with various musicians throughout the Detroit/Ann Arbor area before eventually forming the now legendary proto-punk band the Stooges, along with guitarist [SOME GUY, GOOGLE FOR INFO], drummer [ANOTHER GUY], and bassist [PRESUMABLY SOME OTHER GUY.] <–**Feel free to update this or not. Either way, no one’ll notice**
In addition to his chaotic live performances and outsized persona, Pop was particularly known for his wild off-stage antics — in particular, one an infamous incident in which [INSERT ONE OF MANY RIDICULOUS ROCK AND ROLL ANECDOTES FROM POP’S LIFE THAT SOUNDED COOL WHEN YOU WERE A TEEN BUT NOW SERVES AS OBVIOUS CAUTIONARY TALE.]
After some solo success and career missteps throughout the ’70’s and ’80s, and an extended holiday in Berlin wherein Pop and friend/collaborator David Bowie both got sober, Pop experienced a career resurgence in the ’90s with [INSERT.] <–**Not sure if we should talk about the critically acclaimed album Brick By Brick or just zero in on his song “Butt Town.” I know what I’d vote for, but totally your call]
A true icon, through his personal and professional highs and lows, Pop continued performing, writing, and recording music throughout the 2000s right up until his untimely death. He is survived by his wife [NAME, GOOGLE] and [INSERT: PRESUMABLY AN ILLEGITIMATE CHILD FROM EVERY SINGLE TOUR STOP SINCE 1968]