POMONA, Calif. — Local straight edger Dave Bower drank every non-alcoholic beverage intended for use as a mixer last night during his roommate’s 21st birthday…
ROSSITER, Pa. — Your long-term girlfriend Lisa Sandoval found your recent Instagram activity “kinda funny” and “a little weird, if I’m being honest” late Tuesday…
DANVILLE, Calif. — Local man Owen Nelson was completely convinced last night that the entire world is run by an elite cabal of billionaire financiers…
CORAL SPRINGS, Fla. — New Found Glory frontman Jordan Pundik reported he’s no longer motivated to write lyrics about teenage breakups, instead focusing on the…
CHICAGO — A beloved crust punk belonging to the Donovan family died last night on a United Airlines flight from San Francisco to Chicago after…
PACIFICA, Calif. — A Regal Cinemas gift card was transferred last night to a third wallet without once being used despite still carrying a $50…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — 37-year-old web developer and former Fashioncore devotee Kelvin Robbins once again today chose against donating his white studded belt to Goodwill, due…
LOS ANGELES— Evan Winter, longtime frontman of hardcore band Blank Slate, kept audiences engaged in between songs with stand-up bits he has long hoped to…
TACOMA, Wash. — Local boyfriend Adam Leben refused to admit to any wrongdoing for his alleged horrible behavior in his girlfriend’s dream last night, annoyed…
LINCOLN, Neb. — Local hardcore frontman Troy Burgess spoke out during a show last night against the constant abuse perpetrated against female members of the…
DOVER, N.H. — Avid heckler Roland Cobb was escorted out of a local park today for yelling at a group of small children talking amongst…
ABINGTON, Mass. — Local birthday girl and outspoken anti-capitalist Beth Crowley received no birthday gifts for the third year in a row, thanks to friends…
DETROIT — Democratic presidential hopeful Beto O’Rourke was spotted making last minute preparations for the second debate by referencing old punk lyrics hoping to find…
LOS ANGELES — Have Heart were forced to play within the cramped quarters of the drum riser because of roughly 9,000 “of their closest friends”…
ORLANDO, Fla. — Local medical supply salesman Elliot Harrison’s recent haircut was immediately noticed this morning by coworkers with seemingly nothing else to talk about,…