DETROIT — Democratic frontrunner Joe Biden admitted he is considering current president Donald Trump as a potential running mate in his bid for the presidency in November, sources close to the campaign confirmed.
“Hey there Skippy, my entire political career has been modeled after the adage ‘if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’. Well now I say ‘even if we do beat ‘em, we should still join ‘em,’” said Biden, while having his meals ground down to a fine paste for easy chewing. “Trump is the guy we have to beat in November, but he ain’t all that bad. We agree on almost everything, and it would be great to have someone like him alongside me as we try to return to the status quo.”
“We want to stop all the whining and complaining in this country. If you don’t fall in line, we will send all your jobs overseas and you can go home with no health care forever,” added Biden.
Former democratic candidates that initially entered the presidential race as progressive options lauded Biden’s decision.
“Now this is the sort of out of the box thinking that Biden has always been known for. A Biden/Trump ticket is guaranteed to protect not only the corporate interests of our richest and most treasured citizens, but also elected officials like myself,” said New Jersey senator Cory Booker. “I already know the DNC will sign off on the plan, they basically already have Biden’s cabinet filled out for him if he wins. I don’t want to spoil anything, but my future position rhymes with ‘heckretary of tate.’”
Following the announcement, Biden went on to tell a rambling story about the time he saw a dog pee on a beach towel.