MASSAPEQUA, N.Y. — Self-proclaimed “experimental indie” band True Friction are horrified to see that their “Related Artists” tab on Spotify is populated by pop-punk and…
SAN RAFAEL, Calif. — Metallica lead guitarist and wah pedal enthusiast Kirk Hammett couldn’t remember if he is supposed to go to James Hetfield’s mansion…
LONDON — Bedroom post-punk musician Rob Davidson begged listeners to use headphones while listening to his latest EP, apparently unaware that he would be fortunate…
LONDON — Virtuoso violinist Hans Kriegsman came to the difficult realization that he plays in a glorified cover band while performing Bach’s “Jesu, Joy of…
The music industry is cruel and brutal. Naive people attempt to find stable careers only to find out no one wants to pay you for…
RESTON, Va. – Lifelong punk and diehard Dischord Records fan Meredith Jozak questioned the legitimacy of her beloved Minor Threat merch beer koozie after reflecting…
CLARKSBURG, W. Va. — Hopeless romantic Stevie Knightson recently imploded his entire social life by profusely expressing his longtime admiration for pal Irene Debcott, ashamed…
NEW YORK — Local man and person exploring his kinks for the first time in his life, Jaden Brantz, reported that he was incredibly disappointed…
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — Oblivious dork Chazz Dorfner continued to irk the few acquaintances willing to tolerate him with his limitless cheeriness and old-timey sayings,…
Genetics is a roll of the dice, especially during puberty. Some of us developed early. Some developed late. The only commonality was that we all…
First things first, have a seat! Ha! Little joke I like to make to people I hogtie to my wondrous collection of barber chairs. I’m…
MANHATTAN, Kan. — The roommates of lifelong punk Herbert “Sloshed” Stevens have learned to whisper and spell out the word “bath” when discussing their malodorous…
LOS ANGELES – Blink-182’s virtuoso drummer, Travis Barker, shed a singular tear upon hearing that upstart pop-punk band Girlsack released their first single “Get Sniffed”…
LAREDO, Texas – Shockwaves of mistrust ripped through punk band The Distracted after a member’s significant other admitted to hooking up with the band’s Roland…
PENSACOLA, Fla. — Snake trainer Trevor Bloch raises his anacondas and other snakes to not judge potential mates by physical appearance but rather the contents…