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I’m Sorry, We Debated It, but Chemotherapy Is Officially an Edge Break

I know that not everyone is going to agree with this decision, but the council of straight edge elders has spoken. After much research and debate, we have decreed in a 5-4 vote that chemotherapy is officially an edge break.

Before you start writing petitions and tweeting protest hashtags, hear us out first. The basis of chemotherapy involves inserting harmful radiation into your body. Sure, the purpose is so that you can actually live and not die. But it’s still basically taking drugs when you really think about it. And from what we can tell, it’s almost as harmful as marijuana.

I know, I know! I personally was a ‘Nay’ vote, but this is the way the council works. Remember that even after we declared caffeine an edge break and Ian Mackaye personally called us to say “Fuck you,” we held strong.

If you do get diagnosed with cancer, please please do everything you can to get treatment! Get that chemotherapy. We don’t want you to die. But please know that you are no longer straight edge. And if you aren’t now, you never were. So you can’t attend the Monday meetings anymore.

If you do choose to undergo chemotherapy, do the right thing and sell those early Youth of Today 7” vinyls on Discogs. Let them find a proper straight edge home. It’s only right to let them run free in an environment void of toxins and promiscuous sex.

Straight edge emphasizes purity in all that enters your body and life. If you are diagnosed, maybe it’s time to reflect on what carcinogens surrounded you in years past. Are you sure you weren’t smoking? Drinking? Consuming the “devil’s pee” (coffee)? All I’m saying is that I don’t know anyone directly who got cancer who was REALLY straight edge all through their lives. Except maybe like, 11 people. RIP Nana.

I understand that many will think we’re being too strict about this. But hey, at least physical violence and attacks with deadly weapons aren’t considered edge breaks! Isn’t that awesome?