Hey there! I see that you’re about to release a new track, so I thought I’d offer some words of wisdom. Your last song did…
SAN DIEGO, Calif. — Self-proclaimed alpha male, Jared Andrews, suffered a nervous breakdown last week when attempting to eat a banana without looking “gay,” authorities…
As a musician, earning enough to buy a house is quite the feat and I’m damn proud of that. Now I can say that I’m…
REYKJAVIK, Iceland — City officials announced that the annual spraying for feral Björks will begin this week and that residents should take necessary precautions to…
Hot sauce is famously the only aphrodisiac that works when the other person eats it, but it’s no mystery why. It’s simple biology; pain tolerance…
PITTSBURGH – Local concertgoer Roger Macmillan ruined his brand-new $60 tour t-shirt with a perplexingly expensive Bud Light at record speed, witnesses report. “Perfect, just…
ARLINGTON, Va. – Executives at Boeing responded to the mysterious death of a second whistleblower by claiming the company has a longstanding policy of only…
NEW YORK — Former bully-turned-bouncer Terry Gallagher found himself fighting the urge to administer atomic wedgies to everyone at a recent They Might be Giants…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Owner of local shop Tunehoundz Records Steven Southwell recently decided to use old Record Store Day vinyl releases to replace the dilapidated…
When driving across America, you begin to notice how many big-box brands there are scattered across this nation. But what’s under-discussed are how fuckable their…
LOS ANGELES — Local police officer Mark Woodside warmed up for a long day of work beating college kids peacefully protesting genocide by knocking around…
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Local weirdo Arnold Hauser posted on the popular community app, Nextdoor, that everyone in his neighborhood is safe around him because he…