CHICAGO — Local woman Bethany Bryant was accosted while wearing a T-shirt depicting Albert Einstein by a man who demanded that she prove her understanding…
PEMBROKE, N.H. — Local crackpot Denise Bemis recently hit a roadblock in her conspiratorial ramblings when she began trying to comprehend how the USDA Food…
Being a musician isn’t as glamorous as Hollywood will have you believe. It’s not all overnight success and invulnerability to lethal amounts of cocaine. You…
TRAVIS COUNTY, Texas — Local college student Jason Manzano expertly danced around the subject of vaccination rollout last week upon returning home on break from…
VALLEY STREAM, N.Y. — A local man’s iPhone disagrees with its owner that his Amazon Alexa is listening to him in his home, sending information…
SALT LAKE CITY — A new QAnon theory circulating on message boards about the truth behind Daylight Saving Time is somehow more believable than the…
NEW YORK — A shocking new fan theory posited by every single Redditor last week claims that your favorite fictional characters are “all in Purgatory…
TOLEDO, Ohio — Local man Joseph Whitt described moments ago his relationship with hardcore tankie and politically communist girlfriend Stephanie Arlin as being “totally workable…
WASHINGTON — The new viral bombshell “Plandemic” has revealed a simple, shocking truth: that all of your friends are dribbling, incognizant fucking morons who are…
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — Behavioral scientists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology announced a breakthrough discovery of a theoretical fourth option for occupying a person’s hands…
SALINAS, Calif. — Former Van Halen singer Sammy Hagar has discovered a theoretical, second way to rock, following years of “extensive, rockin’ research,” the noted…
BILOXI, Miss. — Local conspiracy theorist and part-time internet gumshoe Leo Chaney recently discovered the long arm of the state had infected his own home…
SAN DIEGO, Calif. – Tom Delonge, a founding member of Blink-182, has announced plans to debut a new batshit crazy, logic-defying UFO theory on the…
DETROIT – Presidential candidate and GOP frontrunner Dr. Ben Carson, who has made headlines with his contentious views on issues such as abortion and climate…
Donnie Darko 15th Anniversary DVD Contains Audio Track of Friend Who Won’t Shut Up About Donnie Darko
LOS ANGELES — 20th Century Fox released a limited-edition DVD/Blu-ray combo pack of the time-warping cult-classic Donnie Darko earlier today, which includes a commentary track…