ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Local 13-year-old Damien Glass suddenly sprouted a pencil-line mustache yesterday moments into his first listen of Motorhead’s classic “Ace of Spades,” unreasonably…
BALTIMORE — 17-year-old active shooter and local white boy Tyler Dunsky was sentenced today to no Xbox privileges for a whole week following a recent…
WICHITA, Kan. — Parents Tina and Dale Jeffries breathed a huge sigh of relief this week as their 16-year-old son Kyson’s militant fascism is finally…
COLTS NECK, N.J. — Local eighth grader Steve McKenzie was confused and disillusioned last week when his first kiss at last night’s school dance did…
So, you find yourself at Target for some reason trying to cool down after your old man was on your case again. Suddenly, you get…
PEARL CITY, Hawaii — 15-year-old hipster Delia Park has fully transformed from an early fan to a harsh critic of her recently-divorced parents, having listened…
MARTINEZ, Calif. — An awards ceremony at Gravel-Doyle High School was disrupted today by students claiming that Jimmy Brooks, the dead boy who inspired the…
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Pop-punk frontman and legal adult Brandon DeMarco combed through his teen girlfriend’s diary last night for inspiration, in a desperate attempt to…
High school is a minefield. It’s the first time young people feel the pressure to distinguish themselves as worthwhile individuals. That’s why it’s always so…
ATLANTA — 17-year-old Fumiko Ishioka startled audience members at a hardcore show last night, standing motionless in the center of the mosh pit while wearing…
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Aging punk Archie Simpson was left speechless last night after discovering his 10-year-old cousin ironically listening to an album he considers “life-changing,”…
DALLAS — Local punk and father of three Andrew Semple reportedly allowed his underage son Andy, Jr. the privilege of sharing “just one” huff of…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — 13 ½-year-old punk Bailey Tolbert is in a “full-blown” midlife crisis, unsure what to do with the remaining years she has…
MADISON, Wisc. — Local polyamorous, gender-fluid teen Brendan McDaniels is frantically searching for the most respectful way to lose their virginity this year, sources close…
HOLLAND, Mich. — Your 14-year-old cousin Blake Liston admitted to you yesterday that, as of two weeks ago, he smokes pot and it is “totally…