COOKEVILLE, Tenn. — Cautious guitarist Samuel Tollins is almost ready to fart near his new Fender American Professional II Stratocaster after three months of being…
RICHMOND — Local cyclist, Peter Williams, survived a collision with an unoccupied van parked on a heavily-trafficked street late this morning thanks to his bicycle…
SAN DIEGO — Family and friends of struggling social media influencer Kevin Watkins gathered this Tuesday to try and mourn his untimely passing, only to…
HOLCOMB, Miss. — Influential Delta blues musician Jojo “Two Joes” Listwood was recently stricken with a life-crippling terror after it occurred to him that, at…
NEW YORK — Local woman Francisca Noguera asked her abusive partner of five months if he could extend his grooming habits to include his hygiene,…
BALTIMORE — Plucky, determined teens of the O’Donnell Street Recreation Center were disheartened to learn that defeating a local real estate developer’s son in a…
SIOUX FALLS, S.D. — A self-proclaimed “bachelorette” is celebrating six months of being single by going out to a romantic dinner with her ex-boyfriend, sources…
SALT LAKE CITY — Local punk Elizabeth “Bloodfucker” Matolka elicited mild surprise from her bandmates when she acknowledged a degree of affinity for country-pop artist…
SEATTLE – Gail Glover has had the repeated misfortune of accidentally running into her ex-boyfriend Joel Buckner at McGregor’s Brewpub, the bar he’s worked at…
YORBA LINDA, Calif. — Sony Music Group announced the acquisition of all recorded works and songwriting property of metalcore outfit Atreyu in a staggering deal…
BOSTON — Completely brokenhearted by the news of the Mighty Mighty Bosstones disbandment, longtime fan Travis McMurray struggled to find any depressing ska music to…
WARREN, N.J. — Local punk drummer Brad “The Worm” Jones reportedly advocates for wealth redistribution and violence against the rich with the exception of current…
PONTIAC, Mich. — Local punk Vince Vanderberg was shocked when the results of a DNA ancestry kit revealed he had goth roots via the mother’s…
BOSTON — Local crowds rejoiced as legendary hometown rockers Aerosmith showed their Boston pride by performing a set filled with the city’s classic intoxicated racist…
LOS ANGELES — Local fitness enthusiast Gene Davidson is reportedly entering the third hour of an absurdly low-speed chase trying to recover a runaway AirPod…