BALTIMORE — Plucky, determined teens of the O’Donnell Street Recreation Center were disheartened to learn that defeating a local real estate developer’s son in a dance off had zero effect on the scheduled demolition of their beloved rec center.
“I don’t have time to get into the nuances of how contract law works, but nothing’s changed. I tried telling them that multiple times, but they just kept dancing at me like I’d be scared or something,” noted the cities attorney Arthur Bellhue. “The area’s been rezoned as residential, so our hands are tied. This process was all hammered out months ago, there were public hearings, city council meetings, and plenty of opportunities to weigh in on the issue, so I’m not sure where they got the idea that some popping and locking the night before the wrecking ball came in would help.”
Several of the dance competition winners expressed dismay and outrage at “being cheated.”
“This is bullshit. We won that dance competition fair and square. The guys from B2K said so,” stated winner, Kevin ‘Turbo Sledge’ Stewart. “We were all happy about winning the breakdancing contest and had just started a celebratory breakdance when city officials told us we needed to clear out so they could set some explosive charges on the support columns. I tried to explain that we won the dance-off and so the demolition was off, but then a cop pepper-sprayed me while I was mid-downrock.”
Experts in city planning law state that thanks to pop culture, occurrences such as these are unfortunately all too frequent.
“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to explain to a group of teens that winning a jet ski race or beating jocks in a school talent show has zero bearing on real estate. You have to get this shit in writing for god’s sake,” said local activist, Sam Stein. “Those movies are just meant to be entertaining, not a guideline for real life. Do you know how depressing ‘Breakin‘ would’ve been if it was based in any way on reality? It’s like when that ‘Double Jeopardy’ movie came out. I had to quit being a public defender.”
Adding insult to injury, the plucky teens received even more bad news recently after their beloved summer camp was bought out so the rich kids’ resort across the lake could have a second archery range.