WILMINGTON, Del. — Newly vaccinated woman Denise Adame took advantage of her inoculated status late yesterday afternoon to step outside and take in the fresh,…
MANHATTAN BEACH, Calif. — Members of legendary punk band Descendents returned to the site of their original practice space, 9th and Walnut, to find the…
CHICAGO — Local barista Jeffrey Stern had a creative breakthrough after thinking of the perfect name for a band that will never exist outside of…
MYRTLE BEACH, S.C. — Hard Rock Cafe Manager Kyle Neeson offered the chance to hold the INXS guitar hanging in the women’s bathroom to departing…
ASHEVILLE, S.C. — A frontline food service worker was stripped of her hero and esteemed “essential” status after forgetting to bring a side of mayonnaise…
DENVER — Recently vaccinated McDonald’s line cook Lydia Dupree was relieved to be able to safely add layers of shimmering spittle to a fucker of…
NEW YORK — Members of glam rock group KISS were spotted using a stockpile of Sephora points at a local store late yesterday morning to…
LOS ANGELES — Local aspiring indie rock musician since he was 14 years old, Adrian Kidwell, reportedly credits his metronome with counting the time he…
ROCKFORD, Ill. — Retail clerk Emma Stephenson finally began to feel a sense of normalcy as an unreasonably irate customer screamed directly in her face…
TORONTO — A recent trip to an out-of-town Subway made you realize how much better managed it is than the Subway you normally eat at…
As a consumer, I know that I have more options than ever competing for my dollar. If you don’t meet my needs, it’s not hard…
EGG HARBOR, N.J. — Spirit Halloween announced today that they will keep their stores closed until October, when they will reopen for a month before…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Local punk Philip Allers took advantage of this week’s Black Friday chaos, completing all of his holiday shoplifting at a nearby Target…
DENVER — Local retail worker Carson Patterson earned himself a luxurious, three-minute paid vacation for Labor Day by faking a shit-break, awe-inspired sources confirm. “It…
Alright, bigshot. I get it; you just wanted to go out and have a nice time with your friends, but something about this establishment rubbed…