Jack Bravstein
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April 4, 2021
WASHINGTON — God’s only begotten son Jesus Christ is actively distancing himself and his constituents from Republicans across the globe…
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Noa Garmaise
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January 9, 2021
AUSTIN, Texas — Elon Musk announced earlier this week that he will name his next child in the style of…
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Noah Leavy
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January 6, 2021
ATHENS, Ga. — Bashful metal enthusiast Ross Bromberg attempted to muster up the strength yesterday to speak with a woman…
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John Danek
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December 10, 2020
SAYREVILLE, N.J. — New Jersey punk band PornDotCom has been struggling to tow the line between defying expectations of the…
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Henrik Persson
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December 2, 2020
AMSTERDAM — Belgian metalhead Joost Lambert spent nearly four hours in the Museum of Torture yesterday looking up every item…
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Stephen Bell
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November 20, 2020
WASHINGTON — Onlookers at the traditional Thanksgiving White House turkey pardoning ceremony were left unsurprised today after President Trump attempted…
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Ramona Apthorp
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November 5, 2020
LOS ANGELES — Local punk Rachel Hacker moved yesterday into Nordhoff house, the surprisingly simple and reasonably-named community house and…
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Patrick Coyne
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October 2, 2020
LONDON — The British-born glam rock guitarist who goes by the name “Scazz Slaughter” has almost definitely got “some dumbass…
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Dan Kozuh
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September 5, 2020
CHICAGO — Local metal fan Tracy O’Brien attempted to use the popular music identification app Shazam today to identify a…
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John Danek
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July 29, 2020
ARLINGTON, Va. — Punk lifers Jessica Greene and Mark Wallace set a new standard for punk baby names when they…
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