CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. — Local punk Kenny Holmes offered to introduce Fannie Lane, the singer of Fannie and the Road Bandits, to her fellow members of…
NEW ORLEANS — Local punk Sarah Moreno was seen scouring the crowd at a show last night for her blind date, a “white guy in…
MONSTEROPOLIS, Fla. — A routine extermination of a rogue android known as Florida Man took an unexpected turn yesterday when super fighting robot Mega Man…
SEATTLE — Showgoers at the burgeoning house venue Garbage Home were stumped Friday night when a middle-aged man found his way into their secret basement…
CHICAGO — Climatologists are blaming record-low temperatures for the steep decline in Year-Round Shorts-Guy populations, resulting in a massive shortage of exposed, hairy, mid-winter calves,…
DENVER — Local all-around garbage human Russ Mitchell was totally grossed out by a female musician’s armpit hair during a show on Tuesday night, according…
WALPOLE, Mass. — Walpole punk and Malaysian national Luo Hen Lei is now looked upon as the Boston-area scene expert on issues affecting Black people…
PHILADELPHIA — Local pet owner Dylan Murphy could not find a suitable adoptive home for his beloved pet cockatoo last week, despite incessantly screaming “FREE…
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Local punk and black person Mark Feeber attended a show Thursday evening, and not a single person in attendance used legendary hardcore…
NEW YORK — After leaving to buy snacks midway through a screening of Spider-Man: Homecoming, Liam Brewster was shocked to discover that Marvel had already…
ANAHEIM, Calif. — Seminal one-man D-beat band Disguy is officially undergoing their first-ever lineup change, leaving the groundbreaking band without any original members, according to…
SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. — Local women found conclusive evidence that God doesn’t know what they want, sources confirm, based on the existence of Chad Tuckers, the…
LOS ANGELES — Two sisters playing on Hermosa Beach found a message in a bottle earlier today, revealing the grim story of a man stranded…
SEATTLE — Local man Richard Smalls discovered a series of photos late last night of his girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend, leading him on a desperate search to…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Local wildcard Gabe Lawrence, sporting a fresh “Anarchy” tattoo on his temple meant to commemorate his mistrial for arson charges, gave a terse…