Bobby D. Lux
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PEORIA, Ill. — Legendary street punk band The Drain Cloggers’ re-release of their seminal 2000 album, “The Ship’s Sinking and…
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Patrick Crooks
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NAZARETH, Pa. — Local teen Brian Miller found his father’s old stash of Playboys while snooping through the garage late…
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James Knapp
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KENT, Conn. — Local shoplifter and psychological mastermind Wendy “Sticky Fingers” Hartley reportedly bought a 35-cent pack of Big Red…
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OAKLAND, Calif. — Local punk Eddy “Rotgut” Lewiston made a panicked phone call to his parents to make sure his…
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Patrick Coyne
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DENVER — A controversial new study conducted by “a gaggle of lame-ass dorks with like, basically two followers or whatever”…
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Patrick Coyne
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SALT LAKE CITY — Relatively tidy local woman Aaliyah Thomson is allegedly debating which side of her horrendously stained and…
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Mark Hassenfratz
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NEW YORK — Local punk Johnny Tolbert’s extensive record of good deeds and “random acts of kindness” are all simply…
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Chuck Kowalski
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TOLEDO, Ohio — A local punk church celebrated the addition of a new stained glass window today, commemorating the ultimate…
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James Knapp
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CLEVELAND — Involuntarily celibate churchgoer Donald Bates resolved today that, in observance of Lent, he will abstain from all sexual…
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Noah Leavy
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OSLO, Norway — Local black metal frontman “Iscariot” allegedly saw nothing but his own shallow reflection in a Rorschach test…
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