James Knapp
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TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Punk and self-described “downfall of the establishment” Garreth Wilkes announced today that he will send a vicious…
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DETROIT — Joe Biden was seen pacing back and forth outside a local factory today, searching for the mother fucker…
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SPRINGFIELD, Mo. — Local frontman Spencer Wilt made an impassioned declaration to the Coronavirus "and other infectious diseases," clarifying that…
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Lauren Lavin
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ATLANTA — In an effort to slow the spread of the novel COVID-19, the Center for Disease Control recommended today…
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Freelancer
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WASHINGTON — The Democratic National Committee released a statement earlier this week urging all American citizens to exercise their right…
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Collin Canning
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LUBBOCK, Texas — Psych-rock band Three Inch Teeth treated their drummer Mitchell Gauthier to a night on the town last…
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Nyda Ahmad
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KANSAS CITY — Local slob Donna McKenny agitated her roommates again yesterday with her claim that the mounting piles of…
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Laurie Storrie
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LANSING, Mich. — Local 13-year-old Malcolm Woods’ attempt at drunken debauchery last night ended in disappointment after realizing the bottle…
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James Knapp
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BALTIMORE — Touring garage-rock band Bananther reportedly made bassist Mike Sutherland order off the Denny’s kids’ menu in an effort…
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DETROIT — Democratic frontrunner Joe Biden admitted he is considering current president Donald Trump as a potential running mate in…
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