LOS ANGELES – Researchers from the University of California, Los Angeles released a startling report this morning stating that, despite public outcry, celebrities will continue…
LAS VEGAS — Local musician and amateur bowler Dave Kalan finished another game of bowling in which he only hit the same three pins every…
NEWARK, N.J. — Months of hard work finally paid off for indie rock band Helsinki after locking into a musical performance almost as epic as…
DENVER — Avid guitarwatchers gathered earlier today at Sloan’s Lake Park to watch the last flock of Gibson Flying V’s take flight on their annual…
LOS ANGELES — Fans of the blockbuster Fast and Furious film franchise are voicing concerns about the direction of the latest movie in the series,…
CINCINNATI — The members of Creaky Wound, a Philadelphia-based punk band currently driving down Route 75, had “better settle down or their nationwide tour ends…
SIBERIA — Musicologists on an expedition to capture field recordings of shamanic doom metal bands in Siberia have discovered a long-lost Mastodon demo tape frozen…
CLEVELAND – Two former high school students launched a revolutionary new organization earlier this week called “It Gets Worse,” an educational series directed towards the…
PORTLAND, Maine — A series of simple misunderstandings in conversations with his astrologist girlfriend has led local man Richard Witte to believe there is mercury…
TUCSON, Ariz. — Local woman Sarah Abott reportedly had a personal “modern day Hanukkah miracle” this past week when, despite only having enough battery to…
NEW YORK — After over a decade of predictably attractive, slightly edgy white men claiming the top spot, People magazine has finally chosen the first…
ARDÈCHE, France — Archaeologists in Southern France made a startling discovery inside a series of recently excavated caves earlier this week, finding multiple crude etchings…
WASHINGTON – After rejections from music industry A-, B-, C-, and D-listers, President-elect Donald Trump announced today via Twitter that the “Dueling Banjos” kid from…
LOS ANGELES — An online advertisement for unused audio recording equipment sparked despair this week as readers came to the realization that the USB microphone…
ROGERS, Ariz. — Local drummer and admitted “problem drinker” Jason Huff reportedly “had it” with a particular box of pizza bagels after being instructed to…