Hardcore Tag Archives - Page 421

janine, hospital, enema of the state, blink 182

Short-Staffed Hospital Hires “Enema of the State” Cover Model Janine Lindemulder

The Hard Times Staff • April 24, 2020

WHITTIER, Calif. — Administrators at the grossly understaffed Whittier Hospital Medical Center have hired former adult film performer Janine Lindemulder…

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Girlfriend Downgraded to Roommate

Kyle Kelly-Yahner • April 23, 2020

ST. LOUIS — Local punk Luke Koester downgraded his live-in romantic partner Samatha Tsai from “girlfriend” to “roommate” yesterday following…

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Woman Buys 100 Boxes of Hair Dye Just for the Gloves

Taylor Roebuck • April 23, 2020

LANSING, Mich. — Local punk Diana Spalsbury purchased 100 boxes of semi-permanent hair dye yesterday, just for the pair of…

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murder, becker, quarantine, death, scary

“I Guess Now Is As Good A Time As Any to Rewatch ‘Becker,'” States Quarantined Man Who Just Finished Eating His Entire Family

Tim Nash • April 22, 2020

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local father Daniel Mercer had no choice but to rewatch the oft-overlooked ’90s sitcom “Becker” yesterday after…

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Disney Faces Backlash After Doc McStuffins’ Bizarre Coronavirus Rant

Amir Adan • April 22, 2020

BURBANK, Calif. — Disney executives have come under fire for shocking statements made last night by animated television star Doc…

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Quarantined Roommates Mistake Enabling Each Other’s Drinking As Burgeoning Friendship

James Webster • April 22, 2020

ALBANY, N.Y. — Roommates Jonah Gray and Nic Shore have become fast friends under New York State’s PAUSE order by…

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Mask Made From Band Shirt Judged

James Webster • April 21, 2020

LOS ANGELES — Local metalhead Rob Kurtz was reportedly called out at the grocery store yesterday for converting an old…

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Quarantined Stoner Trying to Form One-Person Drum Circle

Ryan Danley • April 20, 2020

LINCOLN, Neb. — Local stoner Dan “Stems” Thompson overcame the crushing despair of social isolation today by attempting to create…

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Sleep Album Still Playing From Last 4/20

Kevin Tit • April 20, 2020

NEWPORT, Ky. — Notable stoner and “flat earth” conspiracy theorist John Hays has been playing the same Sleep album continuously…

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lord of the rings, middle earth, ring, the ring, precious

Middle Earth Temporarily Bans Fellowships of More Than Five

Kyle Stanley • April 19, 2020

MINAS TIRITH — The White Council of the Wise issued a decree today that all fellowships in Middle Earth shall…

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