SEATTLE — The dismal sales of a T-shirt featuring an amazing design were blamed on the inclusion of the band name Love Drinking Pee-Pee, potential…
AUSTIN, Texas — All-around nice guy Ken Ludlow has reportedly found himself in another long-term relationship with a woman despite his wanting to “just be…
CLEVELAND — Scene veteran and new father Darnell Tyler set out this week to prove his critics wrong by showing that, despite his new parental…
WASHINGTON — A report released today by a government efficiency watchdog group offered conclusive proof of “absolutely no collusion” between White House staff members, due…
NEW YORK — The Rabinowitzes, a family of New York hardcore Jews, have already finished their Hanukkah celebration this year, tearing through the entire process…
PLYMOUTH, Mass. — Local parent Marsha Douglas still isn’t sure exactly what foods family friend and vegan Carolyn Hansen will eat, sources confirmed earlier today.…
LOS ANGELES — After nearly five decades and 15 studio albums, Aerosmith will be inducted into the Mediocre, Unremarkable, Middle-of-the-Road Bullshit Hall of Fame in…
FORT WAYNE, Ind. — Local father Bill Matheson has offered his children, family, friends, and modest acquaintances the opportunity to rip any of his 1,300…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Substitute teacher and former Machine Oil frontman Jason Slomsky dedicated the entirety of his class yesterday to the history and importance…
BOSTON — “Big” Dylan Hayward, frontman of hardcore band Best Friends Bitter Ends, restarted his own heart on stage last night with a series of…
KENOSHA, Wisc. — 15-year-old Mark Hall reportedly believes he has picked the perfect place to stand during an all-ages hardcore show today at VFW Post…
ITHACA, N.Y. — High school student Peter Church etched a swastika into his 9th period math class desk in a bizarre attempt at “reclaiming” the…
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Music fans at the Kentucky State Fair were surprised and depressed last week to learn that what they thought was a Whitesnake…
MINEOLA, Texas — The hope of trying West Coast-based fast food restaurant In-N-Out Burger is reportedly the only thing keeping noise-pop band GIFTHORSE from ending…
SHAMROCK, Texas — The owner of the local punk bar/venue Calico’s will donate two drink tickets to each person affected or displaced by the wildfires…