LOS ANGELES — Tensions remain high in downtown Los Angeles today after the discovery that a party bike was rigged to explode the moment its…
SAINT PAUL, Minn. — Local man and “Mr. Fucking Big Shot” Dan Paulson was allegedly acting last night “like his shit don’t stink” because he…
CHICAGO — Local metalhead Gary Dwyer cannot wait to “pound a sixer” of Old Style in the parking lot before Riot Fest, get nauseous, throw…
FAIRBANKS, Alaska — Obvious alcoholic and general mess of a human being Jerrold Long announced today that he will spend the entire evening, and the…
WINSTON-SALEM, N.C. — Medallion Social Club regular Andrew Vanscoy grew irate late Friday evening with jovial bar patrons he somehow viewed as more obnoxious than…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Gravel took home the honors last night for the most damaging and uncomfortable surface to drunkenly face-plant onto after a long…
NEW YORK — Bartender Chad Gallo reached out to ex-girlfriend Ashley Thomas last Monday with a text reading “U up?” at around 3 p.m., multiple…
I am fall-down drunk right now. For real. I have literally fallen down and I am presently lying on the floor of this bar. But…
NEW YORK — Local man Adam Lefler is increasingly nervous to check his 194 notifications on Facebook this morning after waking up extremely hungover, the…
CHICAGO — NetherRealm Studios announced today that the next DLC character in the Mortal Kombat franchise will be Drunk Father. Sources close to the company…
GAINESVILLE, Fla. — UF sophomore Michelle Stevens claims to have fast traveled to her dorm room after downing a bottle of “Se Tiene Especial” Tequila,…
MERRICK, N.Y. — Seminal emo/indie rockers Brand New are hard at work writing the soundtrack of your drunken, late-night phone call to your high school…
IOWA CITY, Iowa — A punk house venue played host to an unwelcome and unnecessary question-and-answer session for local woman Johanna Hunwick last night, after “wicked shitfaced”…
WALNUT CREEK, Calif. — Local white guy Randy Murphy brought unexpected tension and horror to O’Malley’s Bar & Grill late last week when he —…
DECATUR, Ala. — Punk traveler Luis Ortiz was subject to an increasing amount of unfortunate events while exploring the country by boxcar during a recent…