LOS ANGELES — Tragedy struck Southern California Wednesday night when a toddler was discovered dead inside a Tesla Cybertruck from an apparent case of massive…
It’s no secret that celebs live glitzy and glam-filled lives beyond the grasp of our normal and non-rich minds, but from time to time it’s…
BUFFALO, N.Y. — A bag of baby spinach sitting untouched in a local fridge is currently coming to the inevitable conclusion that it will die…
CHATTANOOGA — Local three-year-old Joseph Rhoades is finally getting some goddamn respect in his household after finding his father’s semi-automatic handgun behind a bookshelf in…
PORTLAND, Ore. — The sudden decrease in social media activity of a prolific vaccine disinformation propagator Jason Cooley is leading friends and acquaintances to believe…
SEATTLE — Local punk Jonathan “Johnny Balls” Denick has given full legal power of attorney to a dog with a bandana named Roscoe, according to…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Local trumpeter Danielle “Dani Blows” Garcia is anxiously anticipating a ska revival, spontaneous parade, Herb Alpert lookalike concert, or “maybe somebody can…
WASHINGTON — A CDC annual report detailing the various causes of death in the United States noted that “being crushed by a falling piano,” while…
LONDON — Cartoon bassist for the virtual indie rock group Gorillaz, Murdoc Niccals, died of a cartoon heroin overdose Wednesday, a cartoon doctor wearing a…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Local punk Adam Schultz is beginning to regret using one of his three wishes to bring infamous singer GG Allin back to…
AMERICA — An overwhelming majority of rational Americans announced they were suddenly infected with hope, an emotion thought to be eradicated following the 2016 election…
HARRISBURG, Pa. — Those invited to celebrate the marriage of punk drummer Scotty Corless and slaughterhouse foreman Anna “Slander” Dietrich are reportedly not bothering to…
FALLS CHURCH, Va. — 36-year-old Michael Connelly’s sarcastic response moments ago to a demand from his parents effectively eliminated the possibility of receiving any inheritance…
Life is meaningless, our world is in flames, and all hope is futile. But just because I’m dead on the inside does not mean I…
YONKERS, N.Y. — 83-year-old Judith Swanson tragically passed away last night at New York Presbyterian Hospital due to complications from a lethal hoax perpetrated by…