YONKERS, N.Y. — 83-year-old Judith Swanson tragically passed away last night at New York Presbyterian Hospital due to complications from a lethal hoax perpetrated by the Democratic party that’s been ravaging the nation since February, confirmed sources defiantly shaking hands in public.
“When she arrived at the ER, Mrs. Swanson seemed relatively unaffected by the coronavirus hoax the media’s been shoving down our throats,” said attending physician Dr. Arnold Bornstein while struggling to separate two nurses fighting over the hospital’s last mask. “We tested her for other known hoaxes currently in circulation: like whether jet fuel could melt steel beams, or if those kids from Sandy Hook actually ever existed. She started coughing in reaction — a deep, rattling cough — and said, ‘I don’t know, maybe everyone’s telling the truth?’ At that point, she stopped breathing, and a nurse switched the TV to ‘Hannity’ hoping that hearing Sean Hannity speak truth to power would pump oxygen into her blood. But it was too late.”
Mrs. Swanson was pronounced dead at 9:03 p.m., with the cause of death listed as state-led fear-mongering resulting in complete respiratory failure.
Like thousands of Americans grieving the loss of loved ones, Mrs. Swanson’s 23-year old grandson Harley expressed anger and disbelief.
“Immunocompromised or not, fucking globalists killed my Nana,” reported Mr. Swanson, sporting an InfoWars button-down while throwing darts at a photoshopped picture of Sen. Chuck Schumer kissing Hillary Clinton’s anus. “Coronavirus? In an election year? This is textbook deep state, and very likely chemtrails: barium and aluminum, rained down on innocent people from passenger planes, compromising the elderly’s respiratory systems and altering adolescent brain chemistry to support voluntary enslavement a la universal basic income. This is all available online, if anyone actually feels like doing any actual research for once.”
Local congressman Rep. Tom Reed attended Mrs. Swanson’s wake to convey his condolences and make a statement to her mourning loved ones.
“It is a sad day, indeed, when a God-fearing member of our district gets wrapped up in, and ultimately destroyed by, a hack liberal ruse. Poor Judith, duped to death,” said Reed to a woeful “Oorah” chorus from veterans in the crowd. “Just remember: the best thing you can do for your country right now is go work like none of this is happening. Remember to thank your boss for allowing you to work for them.”
At press time, reputable sources from 4Chan released partially-redacted reports that a new bill aimed at reducing CO2 levels in the atmosphere is just another ploy from the left to turn everybody gay.