BOISE, Idaho — The freshly cleaned bedroom of local woman Megan O’Leary is “anxiously excited” to meet O’Leary’s potential sexual partner later this evening, sources…
The internet is buzzing with excitement over the next new craze in the coffee world: pour over coffee made entirely with flavored La Croix sparkling…
Aries (March 21-April 19) Mercury is finally out of the dickhead zone for you, so enjoy the reprieve. Use the time to subject everyone to…
WALNUT CREEK, Calif. — Busy Bean Café barista Zeynab Polykarpos is reportedly unaware that pop-punk frontman and frequent customer Johnny Saunders has penned more than…
Punk’s not dead, right? Spoiler alert, dipshit! According to this fan theory, punk has been dead for decades. Not only that, but evidence suggests that…
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Rockville mayor “Rowdy” Randy Holmes was removed from his elected position this morning after being deemed unfit to lead in even the…
STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — Measureworks IT technician Jeff Simmins left dozens of bar patrons perplexed last night after singing “Svefn-g-englar” by Icelandic avant-rock band Sigur…
With poser-ass S&M bullshit like 50 Shades of Grey and the word “cuck” infiltrating the mainstream culture like never before you would think that kink…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Local punk Tom Reynolds is still unsure which Green Day albums he’s allowed to enjoy publicly while still maintaining his “punk cred,”…
While adults are busy arguing on Facebook or getting their daily propaganda from Fox News, one high school junior is taking an active role to…
NEW HAVEN, Conn. — Members of the street team for City Councilwoman Lynn Fernandez stapled a flyer yesterday with the heading “Telephone Pole Wanted” to…
INDIO, Calif. — Coachella goer and indie rock fan Joseph Murs was disappointed to learn yesterday that Canadian musician Mac DeMarco was somehow not scheduled…
Remember what you said about us needing more transparency? Well I just added about $350 of it, plus tax. Seriously, babe, when I kick this…
CHICAGO — Local man Tom Bencin, who recently spent $35 on a Pussyslaughter T-shirt that reads “#1 PUSSY MURDERER” in giant letters, has not yet…
INDIO, Calif. –– Swarms of honeybees began their annual trek to the Coachella music festival early Friday morning to pollinate thousands of flower crowns worn…