Press "Enter" to skip to content

Swarms of Bees Head to Coachella to Pollinate Thousands of Flower Crowns

INDIO, Calif. –– Swarms of honeybees began their annual trek to the Coachella music festival early Friday morning to pollinate thousands of flower crowns worn by attendees, terrified sources confirmed.

“During a foraging flight, bees can visit upwards of 100 flowers, spreading pollen to each one,” local beekeeper Elizabeth Howard explained. ”Pollination helps the plants reproduce — which may explain the sudden boom of flower crowns you see here in Coachella Valley every spring. I’m not sure what’s up with all the neon body paint and glitter, though.”

The festival, as famous for its fashion as for its musical performances, is anticipating crowds of over 125,000 people over two weekends, providing no shortage of flower crowns to be ravaged. Festival organizers, aware of the impending bee swarms, have considered multiple safety precautions to prevent injuries.

“Those colorful flower crowns have become synonymous with our festival aesthetic, so we couldn’t exactly ban them,” Coachella organizer Maureen Jordan said. “We were considering releasing predatory wasps as a pre-emptive remedy, but realized that would just bring a whole other set of problems that, honestly, I’m just not even trying to deal with.”

“As it turns out, bees are mostly harmless and will only sting if provoked anyway,” she added. “But if attendees are that concerned for their safety, they can forego the crown and just use those Snapchat filters instead.”

Related:

One bee, seen camping out in the side mirror of a nearby car since Wednesday, was reportedly resting up in preparation for the big weekend.

“It used to be just one weekend, and even then, it was pretty exhausting checking out all those flower crowns,” the bee said, relaxing on a merch table. “There’s just no way you can be everywhere at once. So, yeah, there’s stuff you miss, which is a bummer… but these flowers aren’t very common where I’m from. The variety is nice.”

The bee confirmed most swarms are anticipating another great year at Coachella.

“I kinda just like to do my own thing, but I’m planning to catch Beyoncé Saturday night, and then I can die happy,” the bee said. “She is the Queen.”

At press time, the bee was looking for a white person wearing a Native American headdress to sting directly in the face.

Want to support Hard Times? Buy a shirt. We’ll use the money to write more articles.