BUFFALO, N.Y. — Punk band Dump Cumsters finally gained entry into Canada this morning after nine hours of explaining to border agents that their Canadian…
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We are currently in the downward spiral known as Late Stage Capitalism and it’s time something got done about it. Obviously these capitalistic fucks will…
Aries (March 21 – April 19) There’s no faster way to an Aries’ heart than a well-timed compliment. You know it, and, unfortunately, so does…
SEATTLE — A time traveler from 1994 has awoken to a world altered by 24 years of technological, social, and cultural change, but was reportedly…
Well it happened again. You’re irrationally angry and contemplating murder. Everyone feels the urge to kill at least once or twice a weekend, right? Unless…
GRAYSLAKE, Ill. — At the end of a twelve hour stream last night, Manson Prate, known to his Twitch followers as CoolGate, thanked his viewers…
Have you ever asked yourself, what 5 records would I most want to eat if trapped on an island with no food and suffering from…
LOS ANGELES — The International Committee for Problematic Favorites announced today that die-hard defenders of Morrissey have won the 2019 gold medal in mental gymnastics,…
WASHINGTON — A harrowing new study by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency found that the encroaching threat of climate change will turn what would be…
TOKYO — Konami announced plans to create a music record label to release smash hit song “Old Town Road” by Lil Nas X to Japanese…
LOS ANGELES — The number of new recruits joining Tiger Army has reached an all-time low, according to numbers released today by the Tiger Armed…
When Elon Musk asked me to point a gun at his new Cybertruck I thought he just wanted to demonstrate that the glass was bulletproof.…
It sucks being home for the holidays as an unmarried, childless person; the interrogating questions from relatives about my future, the condescending advice, and most…
MANHATTAN, Kan. — Bleary-eyed local woman Sharon Esses reported this morning that the only consistent part of her bedtime routine is lying awake and contemplating…
MORRISTOWN, N.J. — Local kid brother Mark Walsh claimed his life is “over” last week after his older brother Andrew was gifted a guitar that…
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