BOSTON — Local father and tire store manager Dennis Bowman said the words “Pawn Stars” into his Xfinity smart-TV remote last night, marking the first…
LOS ANGELES — A fully naked Morrissey surprised fans this morning by cancelling an impromptu shower singing session due to inclement water temperature in a…
Alright, bigshot. I get it; you just wanted to go out and have a nice time with your friends, but something about this establishment rubbed…
TORRANCE, Calif. — Longtime punk and father Al Diaz thoroughly interrogated his teenage daughter’s new boyfriend last night about which five Black Flag songs are…
ATLANTA — 17-year-old Fumiko Ishioka startled audience members at a hardcore show last night, standing motionless in the center of the mosh pit while wearing…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — A Tinder date at O’Donnelley’s Pub Tuesday evening was reportedly almost too short for a local man to describe every variety of…
BHIMBETKA, Bhopal — The discovery earlier this week of primitive drawings left on walls by Neanderthals confirmed one of science’s longest held, unproven beliefs: that…
The liberal media would have you believe that the classic Christmas Song Baby It’s Cold Outside is offensive. They want you to think that it’s…
I am not calling you a liar, I am just saying that is not what my older brother told me and he knows what he…
SAN DIEGO — Local alcoholic Jerry Tatum announced plans to somehow ruin his niece’s wedding later tonight with his drunk and disorderly antics, despite the…
TUCSON, Ariz. — Local music critic and Spotify free user Jill Nesbitt named “Get in the Zone – Autozone” as the best song of 2018…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Bay Area punk band The Guts have released their most influential material since their inception 10 years ago: an online review of…
I sit silently in my self-built blind, made of mud and twigs; the forest is silent save for the gentle click of the rain on…
A study out of Park High School in central Indiana shows that 9 out of 10 teens splitting a case of Coors stolen from Greg’s…
FORT COLLINS, Colo. — Tortured Metaphor merch guy and badass road-warrior Todd Sanderson was quite clear last night that he has no authority whatsoever to…