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Father Saying “Pawn Stars” Into Xfinity Remote Marks First Words Spoken in Four Days

BOSTON — Local father and tire store manager Dennis Bowman said the words “Pawn Stars” into his Xfinity smart-TV remote last night, marking the first words he’s spoken in four days, confirmed sources in near disbelief.

“Dennis has always been a pretty quiet guy, especially after the kids came into the picture,” said wife Angela Bowman. “We’re all used to not hearing much from him around the house, but not for longer than a day or two. I was worried by day three, when he wouldn’t even say anything about me making his favorite breakfast of hard-boiled eggs and dry Raisin Bran. Thankfully, him using the voice control function on the Xfinity remote seems to have brought him back.”

The Bowman children expressed similar relief, noting that Mr. Bowman’s use of the Xfinity voice feature is a fairly uncommon occurrence.

“All my dad really watches is the Patriots, Sportscenter, and the History Channel,” says daughter Chelsea Bowman. “He knows that football’s usually on channel 4, and ESPN is on channel 30, but I don’t think he ever managed to memorize the channel number for History. I think there’s a very real chance he’d never speak again if he ever did.”

Reports from the family claim Mr. Bowman has been mostly sedentary since beginning to watch Pawn Stars.

“He hasn’t really moved or expressed much after saying those first words,” said youngest daughter Holly Bowman. “I think I heard him puff some air out of his nose when Chumlee said something funny… as well as a sort of half-grunt when some famous rock star’s guitar came into the pawn shop. I think he’s having a decent time watching the show, but I truly can never tell what he feels at any given moment — honestly, even that may have just been indigestion. Either way, happy to see him coming around.”

At press time, Mr. Bowman was allegedly seen going into the kitchen and tapping his wife on the shoulder — a signal for her to move aside so he can grab a granola bar from the cabinet — before returning to the family couch.