It is becoming frighteningly clear to me that America has become the dystopia that modern-day prophet Roy Orbison warned us about. The Big O spent…
HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. — A chain wallet used in a post-show assault in 2011 is allegedly having “the time of its life” awaiting trial as…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump boasted that post-shooting vigil candle sales have been “way up” under his administration, during a press conference held yesterday touting…
Hey guys! Good to meet all of you before the show. Let me just start by saying I think your bands are the best in…
BOSTON — Local father and tire store manager Dennis Bowman said the words “Pawn Stars” into his Xfinity smart-TV remote last night, marking the first…
LOS ANGELES — A fully naked Morrissey surprised fans this morning by cancelling an impromptu shower singing session due to inclement water temperature in a…
Alright, bigshot. I get it; you just wanted to go out and have a nice time with your friends, but something about this establishment rubbed…
TORRANCE, Calif. — Longtime punk and father Al Diaz thoroughly interrogated his teenage daughter’s new boyfriend last night about which five Black Flag songs are…
ATLANTA — 17-year-old Fumiko Ishioka startled audience members at a hardcore show last night, standing motionless in the center of the mosh pit while wearing…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — A Tinder date at O’Donnelley’s Pub Tuesday evening was reportedly almost too short for a local man to describe every variety of…
BHIMBETKA, Bhopal — The discovery earlier this week of primitive drawings left on walls by Neanderthals confirmed one of science’s longest held, unproven beliefs: that…
The liberal media would have you believe that the classic Christmas Song Baby It’s Cold Outside is offensive. They want you to think that it’s…
I am not calling you a liar, I am just saying that is not what my older brother told me and he knows what he…
SAN DIEGO — Local alcoholic Jerry Tatum announced plans to somehow ruin his niece’s wedding later tonight with his drunk and disorderly antics, despite the…
TUCSON, Ariz. — Local music critic and Spotify free user Jill Nesbitt named “Get in the Zone – Autozone” as the best song of 2018…