OXNARD, Calif. — Local gentleman Jay Deme impressed his new girlfriend Lisa Traynor last night by politely opening up a mosh pit for her to…
MEMPHIS — Classic reality TV series Ghost Hunters and To Catch A Predator aired a primetime crossover event earlier this week, during which they entrapped…
MACON, Ga. — Pro-life activist Kevin Hudson completed paperwork today to change his legal birthday to nine months earlier than it was, to the date…
GREEN BAY, Wisc. — BurntBridge singer and lyricist Zach Maron confirmed today that his song “Katie, in the Green Hoodie” is, in fact, absolutely not…
Dear Scabby: Weed makes me shit. Drinking expensive beer also makes me shit. Should I give up? -OUT OF TP WITH THE WORLD Dear Out…
The impossible burger is changing the game for vegetarians and vegans. The scientifically crafted meat substitute is close to the real thing it even fools…
AUSTIN, Texas — Local hardcore band Cheapshot’s vocalists Victoria Weiss and Anthony Byers simultaneously launched into separate, heartfelt speeches between songs during a show last…
BERKELEY, Calif. — Total dumbshit motherfucker Bobby Owens attempted to start a circle pit last night during local hardcore band Ripped Together’s obvious two-step groove,…
RENO, Nev. — A well-worn Squier Stratocaster recently listed for sale on Craigslist is hoping its next owner will be the one to finally give…
What can we do to be truly, wholy “happy?” In my long, arduous 22-year existence, I have found that these 5 mind-blowing life hacks are…
SAN DIEGO — Self-proclaimed “punk lawyer” Kelvin Rios lost his 100th consecutive case today, due to the fact he admittedly only knows three laws, multiple…
PROVIDENCE, R.I. — Cool Beanz Cafe has introduced a nightly open mic to discourage customers from remaining in the shop after 7 p.m., the cafe’s…
NEW YORK — Indimus rockimus bards Titus Andronicus doth declarimus the approaching releasimus of an albumimus christened An Obelisk, according to a decree bestowed by…
I see the way you look at me when I pull up at the red light, blasting “Fucking Hostile” off of Vulgar Display of motherfuckin’…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Following years of research and development, the average vegan ass is approaching a similar taste and texture to that of carnivores’ due…