Press "Enter" to skip to content
Pre-order the new Hard Times book for a chance to win!

Pro-Life Activist Changes Legal Birthday to Exact Date Dad Busted in Mom Outside of a Springsteen Concert

MACON, Ga. — Pro-life activist Kevin Hudson completed paperwork today to change his legal birthday to nine months earlier than it was, to the date his parents conceived him outside of a Bruce Springsteen concert, disturbed family members confirmed.

“Life starts at the moment of conception, when your dad is still biting his lip and your mom frantically asks, ‘Did you just cum inside me?’” Hudson declared, stunning pro-life supporters gathered at a local bar to celebrate Georgia’s controversial abortion bill. “I’ve never been able to find the exact verse in the Bible that states this, but I know it’s in there somewhere.”

Hudson encouraged other pro-life activists to ask their parents for details of their conception.

“It may feel uncomfortable at first, but once my parents understood my resolve, they helped as much as they could,” said Hudson.

Dirk Hudson, Kevin’s father, admitted the exchange was quite painful.

“I’m not telling him the details of when I banged his mom. So I claimed I was blackout drunk, and he needs to ask his mother. Truth be told, I wasn’t — and that was one of the Boss’s best concerts ever. He ended with ‘Jungleland,’” said the elder Hudson. “Man, those were good times. Before Kevin came along I had so many dreams and plans. I was going to be a musician… but that all changed.”

Hudson reportedly plans to hold a candlelight vigil for every other sperm that did not survive the night he was conceived.

Want to support Hard Times? Buy a shirt. We’ll use the money to write more articles.