We can all agree the world would be a better and more logical place if more people had the scientific mind of the guy from…
OMAHA, Neb. — A decades-old Rancid T-shirt finally crossed the threshold last week from a piece of dingy, raggedy garbage that offended all who gazed…
Dear Scabby: My X gf, the one who taught me that mutual resentment is a strong enough bond to keep two people together, made a…
LOS ANGELES — Singer Kelly Rowland surprised fans across the globe by dropping a surprise Nutrisystem infomercial on deep cable late last night, ecstatic sources…
BROOKLYN, N.Y. — Prolific noise musician Tyler Witbank was asked to leave his shared apartment last week for looping and repeating an argument with his…
What the hell? How did I get “Horny Moron” on a Care Bears quiz? There must be some kind of mistake! Look I know I…
SANTA FE, N.M. — Democratic Presidential candidate Beto O’Rourke reportedly one-upped his countertop-hopping antics last night, crashing a high-school house party and asking if anyone…
As a herpetologist specializing in the care and handling of large snakes, I can tell you that there are many misnomers regarding the desires of…
SAN DIEGO — Entomologists at the California Center for Insect Study published a paper today detailing the fascinating life cycle of the common Iron Maiden…
PARIS — Local legend and longtime Notre-Dame resident Quasimodo will now be known as “The Hunchback of Holiday Inn” after being safely evacuated from the…
PITTSBURGH — Local DIY lifestyle advocate and sexually frustrated man Peter Jansen unveiled today his self-made sex robot, which looks worryingly like a refrigerator with…
BOSTON — The Measure of a Man Tailor Shop was open long past their normal hours last night thanks to the iconic third-wave ska band…
Is punk dead? Is the music and culture we hold so dear flourishing as much as it used to? Are we just too proud to…
PHILADELPHIA — Local songwriter Nate Oldham filed his taxes today, deducting the entirety of his ill-fated eight-month relationship as a necessary business expense, Oldham’s Schedule…
INDIO, Calif. — Urban legends and age-old folklore circulating at this year’s Coachella allege that “abundant, hassle-free” beer awaits revelers in a rarely-trodden, enigmatic corner…