I see the way you look at me when I pull up at the red light, blasting “Fucking Hostile” off of Vulgar Display of motherfuckin’…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Following years of research and development, the average vegan ass is approaching a similar taste and texture to that of carnivores’ due…
STOCKTON, Calif. — A gentle reminder that Death Brain guitarist Bryant Patterson had already told the story he was about to tell last night failed…
Apparently everyone wants me to apologize. So sorry I cared enough to ask a basic question about how a guy I met twice died int…
WASHINGTON — Drummer Cory Adonis of sludge metal band Casket Fissure accidentally opened the biblical Seventh Seal yesterday, commencing the end times by hitting his…
ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. — Aspiring musician Evan Wohrman spent the majority of an hour yesterday weighing the pros and cons of bringing home a pair of…
CHANHASSEN, Minn. — Technical difficulties with the ska section of online retailer Rockabilia’s website have gone unnoticed for the third consecutive decade, as no users…
Look, I’m just as pissed off about these billionaires controlling all the money as everybody else. And or course I want to eat the rich…
FORT WAYNE, Ind. — Hartfield Insurance sales representative Ernie Boisvert told his coworkers today that he is “…a bit of a musician himself,” apathetic sources…
LOS ANGELES — Legendary emo quartet Rockem Sockem Gobots announced today a 10th anniversary tour celebrating their record Stunted Descension, playing the album in its…
It was November 11th, 2016. Socially-minded people like me were crying on sidewalks outside of Trader Joe’s locations all across the country. Did this mean…
SKULL MOUNTAIN — The dreaded dragon Pwaun, bringer of fire and pain, was awoken from slumber yesterday upon his hoarded collection of medium-sized band T-shirts…
HARTFORD, Conn. — An elite extraction unit was called in last night to save local hardcore kid Tom Rodrigues from a swirling mosh pit after…
CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Local zine Weedkiller published their annual list this morning of the hunkiest, most eligible bachelors of Charlotte’s extremely niche stoner sludge scene,…
STILLWATER, Okla. — Doorjam guitarist and licensed driver Cory Adams passionately disagreed yesterday with his bandmates on what the phrase “treat it like a rental”…