VISTA, Calif. — Divorced parents Margaret Clark and Pete Doyle put aside years of mutual acrimony last night, reconnecting over their hated of daughter Kelsey’s…
When Elon Musk asked me to point a gun at his new Cybertruck I thought he just wanted to demonstrate that the glass was bulletproof.…
WASHINGTON — Vice President Mike Pence was “disoriented” and “inconsolable” last night leaving a concert by metal band Lamb of God shortly after it began,…
PORTLAND, Maine — Attendees, staff, and band at a Drunk Witch show last night simultaneously all concluded that they’re just “too old for this loud…
FORT WAYNE, Ind. — Beta cuck Seth Armitage watched helplessly from the side of his wife Nadia’s hospital bed last Thursday as cancer totally fucked…
Hey, thanks for picking me up — Wait, did you just restart that song so it was playing when I got in the car? Oh,…
DETROIT — Controversial singer/songwriter Morrissey is now selling signed copies of albums by the notorious white power band Skrewdiver for $300 at concerts, attendees at…
SANTA BARBARA, Calif. — High school sophomore Michelle Johnston was hospitalized for exhaustion last night after leaving a full day of attending predominantly white classes…
HILTON, N.Y. — Boyfriend and birthday boy Brad Krister insisted today he really doesn’t want anything from you this year other than to spend time…
There is a real problem in this country, and no, I’m not talking about peanut oil. I’m talking about the way we treat old people.…
BALTIMORE — Members of local band Wasted Rat agreed yesterday that the guitar solo in their new song “absolutely rips,” but immediately turned to arguing…
BURBANK, Calif. — Contrarian punk Greg Howard derailed his family’s appearance on “Family Feud” yesterday with esoteric answers and random outbursts, production sources still cleaning…
PORTSMOUTH, N.H. — An alarming new report released today found that your DVD collection is in disarray, thanks to months of putting the DVD you…
When the opportunity to interview Green Day came up, we at The Hard Times were ecstatic. What couldn’t be gained from the wealth, both of…
LOS ANGELES — The wardrobe department for last night’s episode of long-running procedural “NCIS: Los Angeles” dressed a “punk” character in an Aerosmith T-shirt and…