MONTREAL — Manufacturers of online AI-driven mastering software LANDR announced a new feature today that politely declines a band’s inevitable invitation to the release party…
NEW YORK — Spotify project manager Diego Valenzuela received an unprecedented raise of $0.00437 today for single-handedly rebuilding the streaming platform’s advertisement system from the…
RICHMOND, Va. — Researchers and social archaeologists at Virginia Commonwealth University discovered last week that the first-ever house show scheduled still has yet to begin,…
PHILADELPHIA — Local pervert David Bell could not climax this morning during his daily commute after noticing another bus rider openly nursing her infant, multiple…
Warning: this heartwarming story will make you cry. When 28-year old singer-songwriter Mikey Delbond recently damaged his beloved Martin guitar beyond repair, he thought his…
SAN FRANCISCO — Local Guitar Center sales associate Dan Shin deemed a customer’s routine purchase “pretty sick” earlier this week, sources close to the enthusiastic…
EUGENE, Ore. — Local mechanic and outspoken male feminist Elias Murphy finally received his copy of Forbes magazine’s “Most Powerful Women” last week, proudly displaying…
Acclaimed ogre and Hollywood superstar Shrek is best known for the proliferation of nude photos containing his likeness on the internet and his publicly turbulent…
BOSTON — Local woman Anne Deloach is certain the first track from her ex-boyfriend’s latest EP is about her, despite his forgetting her almost immediately…
ASHEVILLE, N.C. — Legendary singer/songwriter Bob Dylan incorrectly introduced several of his own songs at a concert yesterday as “covers,” despite having written them himself…
Dear Scabby: I hit a child driving home from work. This was 3 years ago. I haven’t told anyone. What should I do?! -CLUMSY Dear…
TEMPE, Ariz. — Local punk Arnie Parker vowed to take the crown for the worst tattoos back from modern hip-hop music with a marathon home…
Dear Little bro, You’re a real cool guy. Pretty much everyone agrees with me: Mom, Dad, Uncle Andy. It’s been a long time coming but…
BOISE, Idaho — Local man John Larsen abruptly left his post at Pet Supplies Plus yesterday to race home and check out an album a…
GAINESVILLE, Fla. — Irritated neighbors of yours confirm you fully lost your shit early this morning when you discovered the indie-rock band Los Combustibles while…