ATLANTA — In an effort to slow the spread of the novel COVID-19, the Center for Disease Control recommended today that U.S. citizens dress in…
As a relatively young and healthy person, I’m appalled by the cavalier attitudes of my peers who are not taking Coronavirus prevention seriously. Just because…
WASHINGTON — The Democratic National Committee released a statement earlier this week urging all American citizens to exercise their right to vote for candidates and…
I’m just a normal, average billionaire. If you prick me, do I not bleed the same virgin-transfused blood as any other billionaire? I come from…
LUBBOCK, Texas — Psych-rock band Three Inch Teeth treated their drummer Mitchell Gauthier to a night on the town last night, doing all of his…
ATLANTA — Patrons of Leatherman’s Bluff Sex Emporium were cresfallen today upon learning that Dark Spectrum, the clubs monthly “anything goes” no-condoms-allowed orgy will be…
KANSAS CITY — Local slob Donna McKenny agitated her roommates again yesterday with her claim that the mounting piles of dirty clothing in their apartment…
Ever since I saw that documentary “Predator” I knew I wanted to be a super elite army guy. I train every day so I will…
LANSING, Mich. — Local 13-year-old Malcolm Woods’ attempt at drunken debauchery last night ended in disappointment after realizing the bottle of vodka he stole from…
It’s stories like these that just break your heart. As a former smoker myself, I know how dangerous cigarettes can be in both a physical…
BALTIMORE — Touring garage-rock band Bananther reportedly made bassist Mike Sutherland order off the Denny’s kids’ menu in an effort to cut spending costs after…
DETROIT — Democratic frontrunner Joe Biden admitted he is considering current president Donald Trump as a potential running mate in his bid for the presidency…
PEORIA, Ill. — Legendary street punk band The Drain Cloggers’ re-release of their seminal 2000 album, “The Ship’s Sinking and We’re Stuck in the Bathroom,”…
Homeless people won’t be getting any pocket change from me. I’m not gonna give these people my hard-earned money just so they can spend it…
NAZARETH, Pa. — Local teen Brian Miller found his father’s old stash of Playboys while snooping through the garage late last night and is now…