ATLANTA — Patrons of Leatherman’s Bluff Sex Emporium were cresfallen today upon learning that Dark Spectrum, the clubs monthly “anything goes” no-condoms-allowed orgy will be postponed due to coronavirus fears.
“It is with a heavy heart that I announce the cancelation of this Friday’s planned debauchery,” said club master Garth Shadowmane on the event’s Facebook page. “Until we can assure that our carnal festivals of raw, bacchanal pleasure will not expose our clientele of doms, subs, gimps, and leather puppies to the coronavirus, precautions must be taken.”
While the Atlanta kink community expressed overwhelming disappointment with the cancelation, most seemed to at least understand that the decision is for the best.
“I was all set to get my unprotected freak on this Friday,” lamented longtime Leatherman’s patron Gimpscum, “but when I’m on my knees in front of a hole in the wall eagerly waiting to service whatever unsheathed member pokes it’s way though, the last thing I want to be thinking is ‘will this get my grandmother sick?’”
“There are only two holes on my body I’m not looking to get stuffed, and those are my nose holes,” commented scene veteran John Letizia. “Coronavirus? No thanks. Oh and in case it wasn’t clear from my joke, I am open to ear stuff, DM me.”
Still, a small minority of the sex club’s clientel critized the move as an overreaction.
“I’m not afraid of some damned cough!” tweeted SadoNinja844 to the clubs account, adding “Trust me, I’ve caught way worse things than the flu at Leatherman’s.”
Some fuckfest goers even expressed concern that the orgy’s postponement would have negative consequences on their health.
“The buffet at Leatherman’s Fuck Zoo has become an important staple of my diet,” said pony-play enthusiast David Kershman. “I can’t afford fish at other places. This will have very serious political consequences.”
Shadowmane, however, assured patrons that festivities would resume at the earliest possible time.
“It is our sincere hope that taking measures like this will help control the virus by the summer solstice, as that is the ideal time for the chosen whore to conceive the carnaly begotten moon child that will topple the kingdom of Jehovah once and for all. Until then, wash your hands… and everything else, too.”