We can all agree that ska is the worst, right? I mean it’s just kinda silly. All the off-beat guitar, trumpets and trombones, absurd lyrics,…
WHEELING, W.V. — Local woman and drug enthusiast Lindsey Cruz reportedly turned down the opportunity to trip balls for less than $4 last night, thanks…
SYRACUSE, N.Y. — The resale price of a rare Princess Diana Beanie Baby rose exponentially last week after local collector and drug dealer Blake Kaiser…
Goddammit, I can’t believe this happened again. I take my Trash out every Monday and for a while things were fine, but lately we’ve been…
RENO, Nev. — Democratic Presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg canceled an appearance with a local voter group yesterday after spinning out into a bad, six-hour drug…
Abs: Everyone wants them. No one’s got them. Except yours truly. In today’s world, there just aren’t many people willing to put in the hard…
FAIRHOPE, Ala. — Davey Armstrong, the only drummer of note in his small town, is doing a poor job of hiding the fact that he…
COLUMBIA, S.C. — Former Vice President Joe Biden’s campaign is reeling today after the Democratic contender reportedly kissed a baby square on the lips while…
CHICAGO — Local musician and self-proclaimed Antifa member Shaun Straut is proudly sporting a “This Machine Kills Fascists” sticker on his bassoon, which sources admit…
Isn’t it rad when two huge names in the scene show each other some love? So I’m wandering around this giant music fest when, out…
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local rapist Kent Mehring once again avoided any consequences for his repeated sexual assaults last week, despite his total lack of musical…
With its dark tone, complex story arcs, and Shakespearean influence, “Gargoyles” was one of the coolest cartoons of the mid-’90s. What better time to revisit…
PHILADELPHIA — The entire punk scene of Philadelphia resolved today that promoter, producer, and overall pillar of the scene Stevie Bryant is “completely unbookable,” hushed…
LOS ANGELES — Tired, aging 31-year-old punk David Kresner was relieved when police arrived at a record release show last night, prematurely ending the concert…
Government oppression has tightened its grip on our nation. The signs pointing to fascism’s rise have never loomed greater. The Trump administration, with their unscrupulous…