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How Telling People About Mindfulness Changed the Way I’m an Asshole to Them

Hi. It’s me, your friend on Facebook who sends you articles about mindfulness. I hope you’re having a good day. Actually, I insist you have a good day. Feelings are a choice. That is a fact. That’s why it’s on Instagram captions. “Slay all day” is also a fact but that is not why we’re here to discuss. This is about mindfulness, which I will now condescendingly teach you about by paraphrasing an article I didn’t read.

Here we go! Breathe in good vibes. Now hold them. Good vibes only. Hold them. Continue to hold. Continue holding… you breathed didn’t you? Of course you did. You straight up suck at mindfulness.

You probably breathed out bad vibes. That can happen sometimes. It used to happen to me a lot but that was before when I was anxious and insecure, often going days without sharing vague advice that is both glaringly obvious yet seemingly impossible. “Live in the tension?” What the fuck does that mean? Sure, the meaning is clear but, like, how?

Sharing articles about mindfulness really has changed the way I’m an asshole to people. In fact, it changed the way I’ve been passive aggressive to people in every aspect of my life. Do you know how many nervous wrecks are out there, just looking for a way to feel better? Would those people probably benefit from me talking to them and listening to them and then possibly suggesting mindfulness exercises after they feel heard? Sure. Or you can send them like two articles and they’ll know you’re better at not being nervous than they are.

Thank you for taking a moment today to let me send you this article. If you need me I’ll be posting Good Vibes Only pictures on Instagram to remind people that being sad is their fault.