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We Discovered Ice-T’s Middle Name Is Lauren and Now Can’t Remember Why We Googled Him in the First Place

Real-life bank robber pimp. Gangsta rap and nu-metal pioneer. Star of reality and primetime television. These are just a few of the bonafides that make up Ice-T’s remarkable career, according to this Wikipedia page I have open for reasons that currently escape me.

But perhaps the most interesting fact I’ve discovered about this modern-day renaissance man is that he was born Tracy Lauren Marrow. You’re reading that right. Ice-T’s middle name is Lauren, and I find this so amusing that I seriously can’t remember why I googled him in the first place.

I remember precisely what I was doing when I first heard ‘Cop Killer’ on the radio. Oh man, that was back in 1992 — you’d think I’d remember my train of thought from ten minutes ago that turned me into some kind of Ice-T internet sleuth. Do you think his music would’ve been as controversial if he went by his middle name? Like, would Tipper Gore have launched a crusade to keep “Lauren the Original Gangster” from corrupting America’s youth? Why are we even talking about this?!

Ice-T apparently had a beef with LL Cool J early in his career. Speaking of LL Cool J, I loved that shark movie he was in, what was it called? See, that curiosity certainly explains why I now have a browser tab open to the ‘Deep Blue Sea’ IMDB page, but I still have no clue why the other twelve tabs are just random facts about Ice-T, what the hell?

My best friend growing up was a girl named Lauren who was kidnapped and locked in a basement for six months. You probably won’t believe this, but they actually based an episode of ‘Law & Order SVU’ on her case — which I promise is a total coincidence as it relates to my string of recent Google searches. Jesus Christ, why did I spend the last hour becoming the world’s authority on Ice-T, this is driving me crazy!

Ah-ha! Now I remember! Driving… CarShield, Ice-T is the new spokesman for CarShield! I just saw him on the commercial and it reminded me of a specific question I had about my policy. Thanks, Lauren!