Press "Enter" to skip to content

Editor Looks Forward to Receiving One New Page from George R.R. Martin

SANTA FE, N.M.— Bantam Books editor Krista Lowell is reportedly very excited to receive at least one new page of George R.R. Martin’s highly anticipated book “Winds of Winter” this week, the page slated to finally be completed while the majority of the country is in lockdown.

“George has an ambitious 600 words a year goal,” said a visibly excited Lowell via Zoom conference. “He doesn’t always hit that mark because he gets distracted easily by things like room temperature, birds in the distance, and people driving by his house screaming, ‘Get to fucking work, George.’ But now that he’s locked in, he’s certain to produce one whole new page in the ‘A Song of Ice and Fire’ saga, and I get to keep my job for another year.”

With the recent stay-at-home order placed on New Mexico, Martin is no longer able to attend conferences, collect fisherman’s caps, or hunt live human beings for sport — activities critics say keep him away from his writing.

“I’m going all-out on this bitch,” Martin declared on his blog. “Everyday I’m hammering away at this keyboard like it’s your mom’s pussy — the only difference is this typewriter doesn’t make my fingers stink for days. For everyone out there giving me shit for wanting to make this right, just go ahead and rewatch season eight of ‘Game of Thrones’ and then come at me. This one page is going to be better than everybody else’s whole-ass books.”

Industry professionals like Lowell aren’t the only ones eagerly anticipating a new page by the acclaimed author. Indeed, diehard fans like Keith Ellory are counting the years until they can read Martin’s book.

“One new page from George is a major development. That means there are less than 600 pages left to go before it’s a full book,” Ellory said. “I just hope it isn’t a Sand Snake chapter or a Rolly Duckworth POV. And please, for the love of the Many-Faced God, don’t let it be an Areo Hotah chapter.”

Sources close to Martin confirm the new page is from a Quentyn Martell ghost chapter and includes three paragraphs devoted to gravy-soaked bread trenchers, along with five references to studded brocade.