Look, this is pure physics. Are you going to argue with the laws of physics? Once you’re on the mattress, you can’t tell it’s on…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Local Publix shopper Wesley Clemons removed his protective face mask this morning after realizing that no one else in the grocery store…
Is it Wine O’Clock yet, amirite?! Haha. Mostly because the Department of Family Services just came and took my kids to live in foster care.…
SAN ANTONIO — Local restaurant Tantos Tacos reopened last week to patrons lined up around the block desperately anticipating the historically ignored house mariachi band…
CRYSTAL COVE — A team of amateur sleuths and their Great Dane known as “Mystery Inc.” got more than they bargained for recently after an…
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Local depressed woman Jane Lively mindlessly broke the hot dog-eating world record yesterday after consuming 76 weiners in her darkened, unkempt living…
Sometimes you get so wrapped up in your career that you lose sight of what’s really important, which is why I decided to quit my…
WASHINGTON — Trapt frontman Chris Taylor Brown issued an enthusiastic “start and persist” letter yesterday urging President Donald Trump to play the band’s lone hit…
Fourth of July may sound like fun to you. You may be looking forward to barbecuing and busting out your favorite patriotic napkins. But to…
LOS ANGELES — The 1981 kidnapping of a young woman by the KKK is being reexamined by the LAPD following overwhelming public pressure, multiple detectives…
There’s no denying that the American experiment has taken its share of twists and turns over the last two and a half centuries. Is the…
PRINEVILLE, Ore. — Aging punk Jeff Nunes, best known in his hometown for shooting a bottle rocket out of his ass in 2003, has deemed…
MILTON-FREEWATER, Ore. — Chaos erupted after a Ween drive-in show late last night, as every single showgoer tried to find somebody still capable of safely…
AUSTIN, Texas — The first aid administered Sunday by a volunteer medic is the closest thing protester Sammi Ramirez has experienced to health care in…
I am well aware that the characters in “Law & Order: SVU” occasionally use excessive force and routinely engage in unethical policing tactics, such as…